I titled this post with the words guilt and stress because that it was I just absorbed so much of yesterday at work. It was potent and overflowing. We had a staff meeting as we do every Thursday. This time the new DO (Director of Operations) was there and this was my first time meeting him. He seemed pretty rational and also more stern in his views about the residents’ behaviors. He seemed like a no bullshit type person so that’s good.

He did end up proposing that we come in on one or more days to help clean the residents’ rooms. I of course was not interested in that at all because as is I am pretty ready to leave this place. I have already helped two different residents clean their rooms for multiple hours in a row for each guy. The new DO seems to think that if we clean and organize their rooms really well that they will maintain them. That’s a load of shit because these guys are terrible with responsibilities. You clean their rooms well and within days it goes right back to the way it started. Also, all of these men are full grown adults. They are more than capable of cleaning their rooms but they choose not to.

After the DO left the site manager started to ask the employees who would be willing to do some extra hours on one of those days. I at first was confused by what the DO said and I thought he was saying it was going to be mandatory. All I did was ask her if this was mandatory and then expressed relief when she said it wasn’t. She starts freaking out on me right then. She starts raising her voice and being aggressive. She said “God forbid you do any extra hours”. I responded with “Well I’m not management. And so I haven’t signed my life away.” She responds to that with “Yes I am well aware of that”.

This whole time her eyes are practically beating out of her head and she’s responding as if I just told her I was going to do jack shit at work today. I did nothing of the sort and I work harder while I’m on shift than most staff do. The difference is I’m smart enough not to sacrifice the two days I have off each week. She and another one of my coworkers have been doing a ton of overtime. As expected the two of them are by far the most irritable and aggressive as a result.

The thing that pisses me off is that the two of them keep making passive-aggressive comments or having passive-aggressive responses to things and are becoming work martyrs. I have received more than a few passive-aggressive statements from these two, any time that I take a strong or honest stand on my need to keep my two days off and not do overtime. The two of them take on much more work than they can truly handle, yet continue to do so probably for a number of reasons. We have been somewhat short staffed recently especially with all the activities that our boss started to set up for all of the guys before he ended up being out on medical leave for the last month or so.

They sacrifice their days off to do overtime, they have a wicked short fuse and snap easily, they continuously complain about the problems in the program, they frequently mention leaving, they use their own money in larger sums to buy things for the residents or the program, etc. They do this to themselves. Yes, the program does need more staff. Yes, their are many open shifts that need covering. Yes, there are staff that do more work than other staff. I don’t care if they want to put this heavy load upon themselves and want to act as if they are responsible for filling all the open shifts.

What I do care about is the remarks they have made to me that are said with the intention of guilting me into taking on overtime myself. For the site manager to say “God forbid you ever do any extra hours”, is a clear jab made to imply that I’m selfish and that I don’t work hard. You can take on as many hours as you want until your body and mind shut down, but don’t think you have the right to expect that I take on the same thing myself.

I’m sorry but I have learned over time how stupid it is to bend over backwards for other people or for your workplace, when you are not getting anything back and all you’re doing is burning yourself out. Yes it may result in the shifts being covered more easily but you’re getting next to nothing out of this. If working extra hours actually lead to an improvement in the program, or lead to a feeling of achievement or like you made a noticeable difference in the program or the guys lives, it would make more sense to keep doing so.

I think these two are making stupid choices that negatively affect their states of mind and also their bodies because of the levels of stress they are taking on and the lack of sleep they are getting. Of course they are also getting next to no time off because they are taking on so much overtime so then they have no time to even try to recover from all the physical and mental stress. Sure this shows a willingness to sacrifice your time and it shows that you can be selfless but in reality it’s starting to become more clear that it’s not done for those reasons.

It’s done because these people do not love themselves enough to care for themselves above all, and because they have voids in their lives that they are trying to fill by working all the time. These people also clearly want recognition for all the extra time and effort they put in, so then it becomes clear that it’s not an act of selflessness. If it was truly selfless they wouldn’t go looking for compliments and they wouldn’t expect people to feel bad for them.

I think they are making choices that above all hurt them. I don’t think they are wise decisions. The difference is I don’t repeatedly get on their case for not taking time off or for choosing to take on over time. I don’t try to make them feel bad for being a workaholic. I see it clearly, but I know it’s not my place to comment on. I know this because I have developed pretty good boundaries and put my mental and physical health above the needs of other people or workplaces. What is wrong is when they try to shame me into making the same stupid choices they make. 40 hours a week is more than enough for *any* person to be working. To do more than 40 hours a week unless you absolutely have to out of some emergency or crisis situation, is taking on much more than you should.